I'm no saint, I admit that. In no way am I able to stand up and preach about how bitchy everyone else is, as in truth I am a huge bitch myself. Hardly a day goes by without me gossiping about something. Yet I know where to draw the line.. mostly.
In my past I have told peoples secrets and I'm not proud of it. I have also dealt with the consequences of such actions. I won't rant about how nobody will speak to me or trust me if I have brought it on myself, which is something I used to have a habit of.
However, I have put those ways behind me. The secret telling that is, I still love a good gossip and bitch as much as the next girl. It is never nice to find out that someone you trusted, someone you thought you could tell anything to and they wouldn't judge you or tell your secrets anyone else, turns out to be the exact opposite. I have recently had such an experience. It wasn't nice and it wasn't pretty. Yet I was determined for once in my life not to stoop down to that persons level and tell all her secrets.
That's the thing I didn't understand about this particular betrayal, it wasn't as if the secret telling was one-way, with me spilling my darkest secrets and issues with someone just listening and not sharing. Lets for the sake of not naming names, call the person who did this to me 'Kelly'.
Me and Kelly were really good friends, we talked about everything that you would expect teenage girls to talk about; boys, sex, fashion, other girls, etc. We also talked about personal things, like family issues and problems we were facing and I thought she was one of the people I could trust with anything. I'm not a particularly sharing person, so I made sure that only Kelly knew the things we talked about.
Almost a month ago I went through a really tough time and relied a lot on my talks with Kelly to help me through it. Nobody else knew what was going on but me and Kelly had never been closer. So it came as a surprise to me when one of my other friends 'Amy' asked me about some things that I had only spoken to one person in the world about.
I asked her how she knew and she simply replied 'Kelly'. After quickly denying everything she had asked, I asked how Kelly had told her. As though to hurt me further I found out it was not just Amy she had told, but a group of my friends and people I don't really speak to, and not in private but blatantly talking about it one day in town. Enraged was not the word.
It was that day that I was amazingly thankful my Dad had recently bought me a punch-bag for out in our garage. Quickly tearing up a picture of me and Kelly, I taped her picture to the punch-bag and spent a good few hours working out my frustrations until finally, sweating and sobbing, I took my gloves off.
Amy was adamant that I wouldn't let Kelly know I had told her, so I agreed. Promised Amy that I wouldn't say anything to Kelly. I had no desire to speak to her anyway, my rage had turned into absolute disgust that she could ever betray me like this, I wanted nothing more to do with her. After a week or so of me ignoring her she seemed to get the hint. I asked a mutual friend if Kelly knew why we had fallen out, apparently she thought I was just in a mood. So weeks passed and I never even thought of her.
I soon realised that I had left a variety of my things at Kelly's house so grudgingly made contact with her to ask for them back, it quickly turned into an argument with the end result being her leaving my stuff in a plastic bag outside her house so we didn't have to speak.
But now I face a problem, all my stuff wasn't returned and I'm due to meet her tomorrow night to collect the rest, which wouldn't be a problem, except she has also asked me to explain why we fell out. Now I'm conflicted between breaking my promise to Amy and giving Kelly an explanation. I honestly don't know what I'm going to say yet. Maybe something which loosely alludes to what she did without giving the specifics and not letting on how I know? Where would I cross the line of breaking Amy's promise? I suppose it could be said it's karma coming back to get me, and in which case it is true what they say. Karma is a bitch.
I'll keep you updated. And well done if you got this far, I know this was a l o n g post!
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