Life Sucks

Like it really does.
I'm constantly lying.
My parents think i'm doing HND when in fact i'm resitting HNC cause I dropped out last year because nobody liked me and I lost motivation.
I'm losing motivation this year.
I don't want to be there.
And fuck knows what having supportive parents would be like.
Better I assume.
Social life is shit.
Keep making bad decisions when i'm drunk.
I smoke.
I have sex with strangers.
I go off in strange cities with strange boys without a second thought.
I can't let go of someone who doesn't give a shit about me.
My friends use me.
I use them right back.
We bitch, we lie, we fight, we cry.
We laugh, we love each other.
We hate each other, can't stand the sight of each other, want to do nothing but talk about each other.
We come together in the end.
Mostly.
I'm damaged.
I'm clean, but inside i'm a wreck.
Emotions.  Anxiety.  Depression.
Laziness.  Obesity.  Insomnia.
I love too easily, get attached too easily, give a fuck too easily.
Literally and figuratively.
I don't know how to change.
I don't know where to go from here.
Is this life?
Cause i'm not happy.
And whats the point if you're not happy?
We are only here for a finite amount of time.
Why do we spend it in ways we don't like.
Education to get a profession to get money.
Money we can't enjoy because of the work.
The time when you can enjoy you worry too much.
Which courses, which college, which university, which profession, which tombstone.
We work to die and that's not how it should be.
Tangent much?

XOXO